How to determine what your kid will be when he grows up

“I have an idea,” said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he’ll be a preacher.”

So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they’re hiding.

The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.

Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.

“Well how do you like that!” exclaims the father. “He’s going to be a politician!”

How much do I owe you for that haircut

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C.  After he got his haircut, the priest asked how much he owed for the haircut. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.”   The next morning, the barber arrived at work and found twelve prayer books and a thank you note from the priest laying on the front steps of his shop.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how he owed for the trim. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the community.”  The next morning, the barber arrived at work and found  a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer sitting in front of his shop.

Then, a  Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how he owed for the haircut. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the country.”  The next morning, the barber arrived at work and found twelve Senators waiting in line in front of his shop.

Funny Will Rogers Political Quotes

An awful lot of people are predicting the president’s downfall — not only predicting but praying. We are a funny people. We elect our President, be they Republicans or Democrats, and then go home and start daring them to make good.

Congress meets tomorrow morning. Let us all pray: Oh Lord , give us strength to bear that which is about to be inflicted upon us. Be merciful with them oh Lord, for they know not what they’re doing. Amen.

We spent years of wild buying on credit, everything under the sun, whether we needed it or not, and now we are having to pay for it, and we are howling like a pet coon. This would be a great world to dance in if we didn’t have to pay the fiddler.

Live your life so you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

The President business is a pretty thankless job. Washington, or Lincoln either, didn’t get a statue until everybody was sure they was dead.

This country has been continually blessed with some fine women in the White House. Some of the men might have been able to stand a little overhauling, but there has never been a chirp of regret out of anyone about the female occupants.

In this country people don’t vote for — they vote against. You know that.

We get pretty excited over politics, and pretty soon it’s all over, and we settle down to cussing the guy we just elected. It seems like we can’t get a man that can take care of all of us after he gets in office.

Elections are really a good deal like marriages, there’s no accounting for anyone’s taste. Every time you see a bridegroom, we wonder why she picked him, and it’s the same with public officials.

Kids view of Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism.  Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government.  We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people.  The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class.  And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future.  Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.  Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.  He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.  So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep.  Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.  Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.  He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in a world of trouble.”