sex

A “heads up” for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, and even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two attractive, college-aged women will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, clad in skimpy T-shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say “No,” but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s. You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start crawling all over you, while one of them steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Sept. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. And very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of older men.

Please, send this on to all the older men you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon).

Marry my Daughter or Spend Twenty Years in Jail

December 6, 2013March 21, 2011 by jokester

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

“What’s the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?” she asked.

“Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asked.

“Yes, I do,” she replied.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter and make her a respectable woman, or spend twenty years in jail?”

“Yes, I do,” she said.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, “You know . . . I would have gotten out today.”

I Recognize You by your Uniform

February 15, 2011 by jokester

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, “Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”

“Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said the druggist, “aren’t you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?”

“Yes, I am,” said the officer.

“Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief’s uniform?!”

Say liver and cheese and you can have me

February 6, 2011January 22, 2011 by jokester

A Chihuahua, a Doberman, and a Bulldog walk into a bar for a drink. A great-looking female collie comes up to them and says, “Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.”

So the Doberman says, I love liver and cheese.”

The collie replies, “That’s not good enough.”

The bulldog says, “I hate liver and cheese.”

The collie says, “That’s not creative enough.”

Finally, the Chihuahua says, “Liver alone… cheese mine.”