Funny real life tech support calls

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one…

 

Customer: Hi, this is Celine .. I can’t get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.

Customer: No , wait a minute.  I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… Sorry…

 

Tech support: ; Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

 

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.

Tech support: Would you click on ‘start’ for me and….

Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates..

 

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print.  Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’.   I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it.

 

Customer: I have problems printing in red..

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.

 

Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

 

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: ! OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah that one does work..

 

Tech support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

 

Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure.  I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five dots.

 

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer.

 

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

 

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I’m writing my first email.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

 

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’

 

Tech support: ‘Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’

Customer: I don’t have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

 

Funny 404 (Page not Found) Errors

When you visit a web site and attempt to access a web page that does not exist, the web site will issue a “404 error” indicating that the page could not be found.  In most cases these 404 errors are cut and dry, standard, technical explanations.  But some webmasters get a bit creative and spice things up with a humorous 404 error page.  Here’s a collection of funny 404 errors from around the web.

Click the picture for a full-size view of the 404 error web page.

 

Grats you broke it funny 404 error
Grats you broke it funny 404 error

 

Hang in there humorous 404 error
Hang in there humorous 404 error

 

Houston we have a problem 404 error
Houston we have a problem 404 error
Move popcorn 404 error
Move popcorn 404 error

 

Murdered page 404 error
Murdered page 404 error
Whoops pig 404 error
Whoops pig 404 error

 

Sinking ship 404 error
Sinking ship 404 error
Funny rain 404 error
Funny rain 404 error

 

Page swallowed by sinkhole funny 404 error
Page swallowed by sinkhole funny 404 error
Oh Snap 404 error
Oh Snap 404 error

 

It's your twurn to fix it funny 404 error
It's your twurn to fix it funny 404 error
Uh Oh Spaghetti O funny 404 error
Uh Oh Spaghetti O funny 404 error

 

Repairs in progress 404 error
Repairs in progress 404 error
I went to this page and all I got was this lousy 404 error
I went to this page and all I got was this lousy 404 error

 

Broken egg funny 404 error
Broken egg funny 404 error
Creative 404 error
Creative 404 error

 

Death see you soon funny 404 error
Death see you soon funny 404 error
Detective looking 404 error
Detective looking 404 error

 

Funny flowchart 404 error
Funny flowchart 404 error
Frak 404 error
Frak 404 error

 

afa funny 404 error
afa funny 404 error

Dave’s Wonder Watch

Dave is struggling through the Dallas airport terminal with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a man stops him and says “Pardon me, do you have the time?”

Dave sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist.  “It’s a quarter to three”, he says.

“Thanks, that’s a pretty fancy watch”, says the man.

Dave smiles. “Yes, I invented it.  Check this out.”, and he shows him a time zone display, not just for every time zone on earth but for the one hundred largest cities.  He hits a few buttons and from inside the watch a voice with a Southwestern accent says “It’s twelve minutes to three, pardner.”  “And listen to this”, says Dave, pushing the code for London, England.  “It’s eleven minutes before ten, old chap”, says a voice with a British accent.  “The voice quality is incredible, isn’t it,” says Dave, “but that’s not all … here’s a street map of Dallas.”  And a tiny but very high-resolution map appears on the screen.  “The flashing dot shows exactly where we are by satellite positioning”, Dave explains …”and if you want to see a larger area, just say aloud ‘Recede’ and the display changes to show the State map of Texas.”

“I can’t believe this” says the man.  “I want to buy your watch.”

“Oh, no,” says Dave, “I’m still working out the bugs … it’s not ready for sale yet, but look at this.”  And he demonstrates the watch’s menu of one hundred Hollywood films, the complete works of Shakespeare, the nine symphonies of Beethoven and the complete works of Mozart played by the London Philharmonic Orchestra.

“I’ve gotta have this watch” says the man.  “Name your price.”

“No, sorry,” says Dave, “it’s still not ready.”

“I’ll give you $1000 for it.”

“I’ve already spent more than that developing it.”

“OK, $5000”, says the man.

“But it’s not ready” explains Dave once again.

“Look” says the man, opening his briefcase.  “Here’s $25,000 in hundreds.  Take it or leave it.”

Dave hesitates.  He has only invested about $8000 in time and materials.  With $25,000, he can make another, and add some new features.  “OK, it’s a deal”, says Dave, slipping the watch off his wrist and handing it to the man, as he accepts the packets of bills.

They shake hands and the man starts happily on his way.

“Hey, wait a minute!” calls Dave.

The man turns around warily. Dave points to the two suitcases he had been struggling with to get through the terminal.  “Here,” says Dave, “don’t forget your batteries.”